Reconstruction continued...

I went back to Dr. Hurt this past Monday to have my stitches removed, and for him to inflict incredible pain upon me once again.
I thought I was being really smart by (well, following my Mom's advice) getting my Dad to take me and bring me home from the appointment so I could be under the influence of pain medication while I was there. I was all prepared and took a Percocet about 30 minutes before the appointment and I'll admit it took the edge off my nerves and the pain...at first. I quickly realized (after the second tight squeeze by Dr. Hurt) that I had forgotten to eat anything with the pain pill and was about to pass out once again. The poor nurse had to fan me and Dr. Hurt lays me all the way back because I was so pale. Of course, it didn't stop him from continuing to try and squeeze me to death, or get on to me for not doing it as frequently or as hard as I should. When I left I was still really shaky and pale, and my Dad took me to get some food, but by that time I was so nauseous and having crazy hot flashes I just didn't know if I would pass out or throw up. It was a great afternoon to say the least! When he got me home I laid on the couch and he gave me a Phenergan to just knock me out and make the nausea go away. I saw the Hubby and Little One for a while when they got home before the meds kicked in, then I woke up 12 hours later, still in my clothes on the couch. What a way to waste an afternoon/evening!
I think I learned my lesson (finally) and I've been a much better squeeze patient this week. I'm not interested in another session like the last 2!

Soccer...maybe?!

The Little One has been going to soccer practice for a while now, and seems to really enjoy it sometimes. Other times, she just breaks down and refuses to play whatever game the coach is playing with them. She won't give any reason other than "I just don't want to". We can't figure out why, but even though we've taken away playtime at the park right beside the soccer fields after practice both weeks she still does it. It's strange for her to act like that, but hopefully the fact that we make her sit on the side and watch the other kids have fun will eventually help her learn that you don't always get to do what you want all the time. The sad part is that when she does participate (which is most of the time) she is really good with the ball. She's older than a lot of the kids on her team so her coordination is better. Hopefully if she decides to stick with it next year she'll enjoy actual soccer games. I think the training, soccer prep games they play in this division are what she's picky about. Who knows!

Sitting on the sidelines...pouting (well, fake pouting!)

1-2-3 GO TEAM!!!

Well, at least she looks cute while she's out there, right? ;-)

Beauty

My little one got her haircut last week and she always wants the girl that cuts our hair to "flat" her hair while she's there. It's a huge treat for her, and makes it easy for me to talk her into a haircut. She wanted it short again, so we talked about doing a cute little bob type style and it turned out adorable! It's even cuter short I think, but haven't been the best picture taker lately. I'll post some curly hair pics soon!

It made me so sad to see how much older she looked with her flat hair!

You would never know how proud she was of her "flatted hair" by all the supermodel poses, would you?

I'm Sorry Mom!

This is an open apology to my Mother...
I am SO sorry for ever laughing or making fun of you when you were having a hot flash. Saying "NO, Mom it's not hot in here, it's just you" or "Don't mind her, she's just flashin" or snickering even though you would say to me "Just wait, you'll know what this is like eventually!"

Well Mom, I got mine. It's early, a lot earlier than they would've come naturally, but they're here in full force, medically induced. Yay for me!
I swear I've had Four hundred seventy eight today, and each time I think of you, and all those times you would freeze me to death in the car for a few minutes until yours passed or fan yourself frantically in public not caring who was looking at you crazy. That's me now, except when people look at me they don't give me the menopause excuse and feel sorry for me. They probably think "Hahaha Look at that crazy lady sweating profusely and fanning herself like she's about to die! Wonder what in the world she's on"
I can only imagine what it'll be like this summer when it's 100 degrees outside and if I'm still wearing this dang wig I will literally sweat to death! I'll be the disturbed woman at the birthday party who scarred all the children for life by ripping her hair off in front of them because she was so hot!
The night time ones are the most fun though, they come so often sometimes I feel like I didn't sleep at all. I always pull my scarf off immediately when they come at night because my head is sweating & throw the covers off my body. That one passes and I fall back asleep, usually in the same position. Five minutes later I wake up cold. Really...Good times!

Sorry Mom! Again, you were right (did you ever have any doubt?). Also to any other menopausal/post menopausal ladies out there still going through this. Peace be with you...and may you have access to a big, powerful fan at all times Amen.

"Pwease Daddy?!"

Question: What does this "Please Daddy Can I?" pitiful sad face get a cute little Daddy's girl who has her Daddy wrapped around her little finger?

Answer: Anything she wants. This time, it was a puppy.

The way we got this adorable little thing is long and hard to explain, but we had been talking about (and the little one had been working on her Daddy) to get a puppy for a while now. The timing was bad, but his puppy dog face is almost as hard to resist as hers, so we caved and got the puppy! He is such a sweetheart, and was easy to have in the house even through my recovery. Bad part about that was, he spent so much time with me only that now he's my shadow. The Little One was at her sweet Grandparents house again while I recouperated, so he didn't see her for a few days and the Hubby just didn't pay him that much attention so he's my new best friend. I almost forgot how "fun" it is to potty train a puppy. He's much harder than my child was!

He's a Shorkie, which is a Shih Tzu/Yorkie mix. They say he shouldn't be more than 10-12 lbs.

He has long hair more like a Shih Tzu for now, but has a little Yorkie beard (you can't tell from the picture) that's too cute. He's also got a docked tail and short stubby legs like a Yorkie. Our neighbors also have a Shorkie that came from another breeder. She's 1 month older than Knox and looks totally different. They love to play and are SO cute together!

Reconstruction Zone

Let me begin by saying that this is an in-depth description (and probably way too much information) about my breasts, and the doctor appointments to follow surgery...it will NOT offend me if you skip this post. You'll probably think I'm crazy for sharing so much. Some things just need to be said :-)

Tuesday was the big surgery day! I have to say the morning of, I was a nervous wreck, but everything went fine on Tuesday and Wednesday morning as well. The doctor had bound me up pretty tightly and I was sore, but not in any major pain.
Then came my post-op appointment on Wednesday. Oh, to be able to explain the "exercises" he showed me to be done hourly. Let's just say it involves squeezing as hard as you can with both hands on one, then moving to the other side. I literally almost passed out in his office after he was done demonstrating to me what I was supposed to do and then making me do it. My Mom was in the corner about to cry (or punch the doctor) I think. It was pretty hard for her to even watch!
Needless to say, I might be pretty tough, but I'm not so good at inflicting pain on myself! So, I haven't been the best 'squeeze exercise' patient. This afternoon I had a follow-up appointment. I could tell they were not as 'soft' as they should be, and knew I would get in trouble for it, but wasn't ready yet again for Dr. Hurt to get a hold of me. He says "Have you been squeezing?" Me: "Um, yeah but not as often as you said...I AM doing it though" Dr. Hurt: "Let's see, they're a little tighter than I'd like" At this point he takes both hands and squeezes as hard as he can like he's making orange juice...not kidding! It hurt so bad I almost came off the table! He says out loud as if it would make me feel better "That probably does hurt pretty bad" I was dying to say Yeah, no kidding, drop your pants and let's see how it feels to squeeze your 'boys' that hard!
Anyway, I guess it worked because he said "See how much softer they already are, you're just not doing it hard enough!" I'm SO excited to have to do that for 2 more months, can't wait to start that up. I have another appt. next Monday so if I don't I will pay that's for sure. Supposedly the more you do it, the less it hurts. We'll see.
I do know it'll all be worth it when it's said and done...I just wanted to give you a real snapshot of the past few days.
Let me say, I believe a lot of women don't have nearly as hard of a time with tightness and pain after this surgery, and I think it has something to do with how incredibly small (chest size) I was before this whole thing started. Dr. Hurt says no, but it's the only thing that makes sense. He did say after surgery, however, that the implant couldn't be any bigger (not that it really should be) because they had to be placed behind the muscle but there's just not much room there. The tissue expanders were also behind the muscle, maybe that's why those awful things never stopped hurting. I just don't want to scare anyone who may be going through this later, it shouldn't be that bad...unless you were tiny up top before. ;-)
The good news is I am looking forward to going bathingsuit shopping for the first time in my life soon! Clothes fit me better, and eventually I believe I'll be more confident overall.

Be careful what you wish for because I always talked about wanting to have breast enhancement surgery. Now I can say I had it, but it was the most painful, drawn out, expensive boob job ever!

Wishing you didn't read this? Hey, I warned you!!!

Strike a Pose!

These pictures were all taken this weekend. Do you think she's a bit of a diva? Every time I would say "Smile" she would do some crazy supermodel pose. Cracks me UP!!!

Yeah, I'm cool!

Why would you not take the chance to do a supermodel pose on the playground at church during an egg hunt? (In her defense, she had already gotten all her eggs and was just playing on the playground, but still!)

She seriously had been up for 5 minutes max, and was already posing.

Of course when she's all dressed up it's over. She's posing the whole time.

Surgery Date!

Earlier this week I had a revelation. If my white blood cell count is good all by itself (which I'm told that it is), why wait to have my final surgery? Who cares if I miss something I had planned? Who cares if the surgery isn't planned weeks in advance? Who am I doing this for? I need to do this for me, and I need to do it soon! I called the reconstructive surgeon's office and asked when they could do the surgery. Well, tomorrow is my pre-op appointment, and next Tuesday (April 13th) is my surgery date! Yay for implants! The sooner these tissue expanders are out the better! I'm hoping the recovery from this surgery is as easy as everyone makes it sound, guess we'll see very soon, but even if it's not and it takes me a while to bounce back that's ok. As long as I can go to the beach this summer, I'm good.
I'm also very excited he'll be taking out my port at the same time. The sooner all cancer related paraphernalia is out of my body, the better. Maybe that will help me to relax and breathe easier about the future. I'm having a really difficult time with that. No, for real, I think I need meds.

Speaking of meds, the Tamoxifen has been in my system for a week now and the hot flashes are in FULL effect. Good times.

Easter Fun

This Easter was really nice. We stayed home this year, and had a relaxed family celebration. Saturday the Hubby and I finished the week long painting job we started in our living room, dining room & hallway. My father-in-law came over on Wednesday to help, too and we are ever so thankful! We wouldn't have finished by this weekend if he hadn't come to share his expert painting skills for the day! It looks great, and I've been talking about getting it done since we moved in 7 years ago!
Anyway, we worked all day on Saturday to paint and get the house back in order. We took a break to go to the church easter egg hunt that's always fun-filled. They always have a massive community wide event that is huge! This year, they "hid" 50,000 eggs!!!


After the Eggstravaganza, we met some friends for dinner and had a fun time catching up with them! Our kids loved each other, too. It was so cute to see them running around and playing, I wish I had taken pictures, can you believe I didn't?!

Easter morning we woke the little one up and I told her "Happy Easter!" She was so tired and sleepy but immediately perked up and said "It's EASTER Mommy, Yay!!!" She went through her Easter basket to see what the Easter Bunny brought her, and then it was time to get ready for church. She's starting to really know what the holidays mean, and I'm so thankful. We had a big talk about how we are so thankful to Jesus for dying on the cross for our sins on Good Friday and she says "and on Easter he came out of the tomb, right?!"

After church we came home and started getting lunch together. My parents and brother-in-law came over to have a wonderful meal with us, and of course the little one got 2 more Easter baskets! Her uncle is taking her to see Mary Poppins in May, and he put the tickets along with the Mary Poppins DVD in her adorable Easter bucket. She is SO excited!

We then dyed eggs, and she iced a couple of cupcakes and put "grass" (green coconut) and jelly beans on them, too. They were too cute :) My mom was being all Martha Stewart for Easter! It was finally egg hunting time...well, the first egg hunt of many I should say. We've been hunting eggs every day since Easter, several times a day. Obviously we had a busy, but fun weekend! We were all completely worn out at the end of the day on Sunday, but loved having part of our family over to share in such a meaningful holiday.

I know this is complete picture overload, just wanted to include the whole day! Hope you had a fantastic Easter as well :)