Last week was the anniversary of my surgery date, so (although the doctors will never say these words), it's my "cancer free anniversary". Two weeks before that, we celebrated with a family trip to the Children's Museum & Centennial Park for the anniversary of my diagnosis date. I wanted to just take a whole day to celebrate my life & our family. We have had a rough year in many ways, but we MADE it! We had a great time!
It was only after having lunch with some new, wonderful friends who are also cancer survivors that I realized my surgery date was my cancer free date! There was so much more preventative stuff that was done after my surgery that it seemed like it was only the beginning of the journey, but I was definitely considered "cancer free" when the tumor and the lymph nodes with cancer cells in them were removed from my body!
These two beautiful survivors were "introduced" to me through a mutual friend, our breast specialist's wife, who is also his surgery scheduler at his office. She is amazing, I think I've mentioned that before, and she connected the three of us through Facebook. We all decided to finally meet up over lunch after our children started school & it was such a breath of fresh air to be able to openly talk about our experiences, our fears about the future, our children & everything in between! Sometimes as survivors, you feel like everyone is so happy congratulating you that you're finally "out of the woods" they don't want to be bothered hearing about your extreme fear of cancer coming back, or the new issues you've developed since going through such a traumatic event. We all agreed that post-treatment was almost worse emotionally for us than the diagnosis, because now you have all these emotions coming up that you haven't dealt with being so busy fighting for your life and you don't want to sound all negative talking about them. It's not that you're not happy just to be alive, it's just a completely different feeling.
Anyway, we were all so happy to have met and connected. We are planning to make it a monthly lunch date, and I cannot wait to get to know them better!!!
So, on my official cancer free anniversary, I wanted to do something special but you know how life sometimes just gets in the way! The Little One doesn't go to school on Fridays, so we had the whole day together (working, much to her dismay). When the Hubby got home, we went to dinner and decided to go to a park to let some balloons go with something that we're thankful for written on them. It was dark by the time we finally got to do this, so I don't have all the pics I wanted, but everything can't always go the way you plan!
I helped the Little One write on her balloon, and she wanted me to put "Thank you God that my Mommy is done with cancer! I love my Mommy & Daddy" She is the sweetest little angel!
As I reflect on the past year of my life, I am amazed that it has only been one year since that horrible, horrible day in August, and since the craziness that was my life for so long began. It really seems like the longest year ever in some ways, but I am so very thankful for all the experiences I have had. Good or bad, that year is now a part of who I am, and I hope to be able to use it for good somehow. I am just so incredibly thankful to God for all His provisions for me and all the many ways He has watched over me and my family through this period. I honestly thought the healing from the mastectomy would never end, and that I would never be able to hug my family or hold my child again. I can honestly say that because of that experience, their hugs (especially from my girl) mean more to me than they ever would have before. Unfortunately, she is getting WAY too heavy to hold now, but I still try and will always cherish the special times we have had together since this has happened. (As she says..."When you laid on the couch and slept a lot" )! Although my life has changed in SO many ways since I heard those fateful words on August 13, 2009, I can honestly say I wouldn't change it. I would have made a few different decisions, but overall it has brought my family closer, and I firmly believe that God will use it (or maybe has already used it) for good. I'll never know why I was diagnosed with cancer at 29, but I'm at peace with it. My doctors, family & friends have been beyond amazing throughout this journey, and I know there have been angels all around me, helping me to "breathe in, breathe out, move on" through this whole ordeal.
The Little One is very compassionate and understanding since going through this, and I pray she always stays that way. It's something a child shouldn't have to go through, but I hope she takes something from it as well. The Hubby and I are also closer than ever and I believe that it has just made us appreciate one another more. For a while we just didn't know how bad it was, and therefore you always have those "Oh no, will I die?" moments, but he has been my rock through this, and was a great stand-in Mommy on lots of days when Mommy just couldn't be herself. I could not ask for a better partner in life, and I am so truly grateful to God for blessing me with him!
My parents and in-laws also were fantastic! I honestly don't know how we would've gotten through this without such wonderful, loving relatives and a few friends and neighbors who were more than willing to stand in the gap and just do whatever we needed!
Standing on the other side Cancer Free is a wonderful feeling...one I pray I can always experience. If it comes back, I'll deal with that too, but I certainly hope that this is my one and only experience. As the saying goes "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have". This has been proven true to me & I thank God for the people who were right beside me cheering me on through cards, letters, phone calls, gifts & meals. You guys helped keep me strong. Thank you a million times!
At the end of July, The Hubby and I went to Savannah, GA for a couple days with some good friends of ours, and had a wonderful time! I had never been, and I loved all the old buildings and history of the beautiful city! I hope we can go back very soon, we really enjoyed it!
