Thankfulness

We stayed home for Thanksgiving this year, and went over to my parents house for the big meal. The little one was already there because she had been staying there until she was no longer contagious.

I made several dishes and brought them over and by the time we got there it was almost time to eat! We had SO much great food, and everyone pretty much had their favorites, although we toned it down a bit from the last couple of years because there was just always so much leftover it felt like we were being too wasteful. The little one helped set the table and helped Gammy cook all morning. She was excited about the rest of the day because of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (and the Rockettes performance on there)!

By the time we ate, she was all tuckered out & didn't have an appetite. She never eats much when she's sick, and I hate that she missed out on such a yummy meal.

Here's the table she helped set, and some of the food she helped Gammy cook :)

We have such great family (on both sides) that we are VERY thankful for, and of course, we will always be thankful to God for all the wonderful blessings in our lives. They are way too many to name or count, but we certainly are thankful for many of the recent blessings we have received as well. One very big one is the fact that I am still here, and I pray that I will be for a very long time :)

Oh, here's my first ever attempt at a Chocolate Pie (STOP laughing). It's my husband's very favorite, and I even got his Grandmother/Mom's recipe, which was surprisingly easy...apparently I did something wrong though (obviously, right?!) he was nice and said it tasted good, but it was a big FAIL!

Of course, what day would be complete for her without a little craft project
(and always the lip gloss) ...I SO love this girl!

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well, and got to spend some time with the people who mean the most to you :)

I'm a fabulous mother, have I said that before?

So, I used to joke a lot on here about being Mother of the year, hands down. Most of you probably didn't read this blog that far back, but trust me, things happen around here that put me up for Mother of the year a LOT (insert sarcasm, in case you don't know me).
This week is just another example...you know my daily struggles with white blood cells, and how mine don't like to stay alive very long, right? Well, this week has been another challenge and my wbc count is currently 1.4 that's great when I was out in public all day for 3 out of the last 4 days. As if that wasn't bad enough, the little one came down with a cold on Monday afternoon and it's gotten progressively worse since then. I thought she was faking on Monday (yep, great mothering skills at work) and just downplayed it. By Monday night I realized she wasn't giving up the "act" and must be really sick. She had a sore throat, mild cough and occasional sneezing. Well, my mom & dad kept her last night since her poor sickly mother can't be around her own baby when she's sick :( and the hubby took her to the doctor this morning. The doctor thinks she does just have some form of cold, but gave her an antibiotic anyway because she has some fluid on her ears. Poor thing feels terrible and her own Mommy can't even be in the same house as her, much less take care of her. Thankfully the prescription should make her non-contagious by tomorrow so I'll get to be around my little turkey for Thanksgiving. She's been so looking forward to helping me cook, but I know she can help Gammy out in the kitchen instead if she feels up to it.
The saddest part is that she was going to get to visit with her 3 little cousins from Florida that she hasn't seen in over a year tonight, and is SO pitifully sad that she can't see them. She's been talking about "playing with my cousins" and counting down the days for about 5 days and Daddy had to break her heart with the news this morning. It's so sad!
Hopefully lots of movies, ice cream, popsicles and snuggles from Gammy & G-Daddy will make her feel better.

I had an appointment with my Oncologist as well this morning, and other than the wbc never-ending battle, everything else is good. We discussed spreading the treatments out 3 weeks instead of every 2 weeks to give the bone marrow time to produce white blood cells on it's own instead of constantly going down and having to boost it with meds. She says usually people my age don't have this much trouble with counts being low, what's wrong with my stinkin' bones?

Hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving, I promise pics in my next post!

Another one down!

I had chemo treatment #3 this past week, so that means I only have 5 more! Well, I say only but 5 sure sounds like a lot to me...I guess after the next one I can at least say I'm half way through, huh?
This one was pretty much the same as the other 2 except for one thing...NO puking. Not even one time! Don't get me wrong, I thought I was going to all.day.long for 3 days, but never actually did the deed and for that, I'm thankful!
My mom works for a company that was able to work out something with my doctor to have me get the torture injections for my white blood cell count at home this time. This was a great blessing to me to say the least! Thankfully I didn't have to get off the couch, get dressed, load up in the car and go into the hospital (smelling food and dry heaving all the way) to get the shots for 3 days in a row. My mom was able to give me the shots (which I was told are less painful when given in the stomach...the verdict is still out on the truthfulness of that) and true to form, they made me ache and hurt all over for all 3 days, but they worked because on Friday my wbc count was up! So far, so good.
My mother-in-law came down on Wednesday to help me during my sick days, and she was an angel! I SO appreciate all the washing clothes, cleaning, taking care of the little one, cooking, and running errands she did for me. I have such a wonderful family and support system, and I honestly don't know how people get through this type of thing without it.

Today I was feeling much better, and the little one and I met my husband's aunt and her sweet mother & sister-in-law at the Fox for the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Show. It was SUCH an amazing experience, and I'm so thankful we were able to go! Unfortunately, I have no pictures to share, but we had a wonderful time with them :) I believe my little chickie has changed her future dream occupation from "Makeup Girl" to Rockette! Looks like I need to put her back in ballet/tap class asap!
Now I officially have the "holiday bug" and even did a little more Christmas shopping this evening. Hopefully I can talk my hubby into getting the Christmas decorations down soon so I can get a jump start on decorating while I feel up to it.
I feel so lucky to be alive, and I really think this Thanksgiving and Christmas will be a very special one for our family. We have SO MUCH to be thankful for!

Kids are SO funny!

If you've been reading this blog for very long, you know I struggled with telling my little one about my cancer, and finally decided to go the completely honest route, and risk scarring her for life. She has taken it very well. Although it's a lot for a 4 year old mind, she seems to understand everything we tell her, and not worry too much about it.

Today we were in the garage doing some crafts when 3 of our neighbors came over to play. They all made some glittery, gluey, messy crafts and then started playing with baby dolls and dress up. I was cleaning up the mess when I heard the little one say to a friend "I can't drive tomorrow, I have cancer (she meant chemo) so you'll have to drive me there" I thought...wow, that's a sad conversation for a kid to have in "play" but didn't pay much more attention. The next thing I know, she goes inside and changes (which happens countless times per day around our house) and comes out with a hooded shirt on, hood over her head. Then, she says to her friends "I can't cook tonight, can you bring me some dinner?" and I realize she's laying on a makeshift bed, pretending to be ME! I started laughing and asked what they were playing when her friend said "We're playing house & she's you, you know...bald" My precious child says "I'm laying on my couch bed like you, Mommy"

WOW! I still sleep on the couch or recliner a lot because it's more comfortable for me, but kids don't miss a thing, do they?! I had to take a picture to document this once I got over the "Awww, kids should never have to play cancer mommy" sadness, and realized it's really sweet, kind of strange, but sweet in it's own little way *tear* *sniff*

Here she is being me, all bundled up with her head covered

Me and my precious little 'Mini-Me' :)

For the record, I usually wear a wig or a hat and a wig, or something a little less obvious when I go out, but this was after de-hairing for the evening!

I have to say, she's always been a Daddy's girl, (pretty much from birth) but since I've been sick she's the sweetest Mommy's girl around. I hate it came from that, but I think she feels closer to me from being worried, and a little unsure of how serious everything is.

Dear White Blood Cells:

To the white blood cells that are currently being formed in my body, PLEASE don't die! I have had 6, count them, 6 shots of Neupagen (the drug that hurts your bones and muscles) to keep my white blood cell count up in the last 2 weeks, and it just doesn't seem to be working. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to stay away from public places and crowds on the days that I receive the shots. Well, that's been pretty much every day lately! I'm done complaining...well kinda. The doctor seems to think that the shot today will keep the count up until Monday so I can get chemo again on that day. I will definitely be praying that it does stay up so I don't have to put it off another week and feel like puking at the drop of a hat on Thanksgiving. That would be just lovely :)

Round 2 Finally Complete!

I was finally able to have chemo treatment #2 this past Monday. It went fine, about like the first round, and I didn't feel too bad that evening. Tuesday was pretty good, too. I even met my bosses who were in town at one of our projects on Tuesday morning. I thought I would be good this time and escape sickness altogether. Wrong! Tuesday afternoon I had to go to the hospital to have the shot for my white blood cells, and when I got home from that, I was not feeling so hot. Tuesday evening I was pretty sick, and the shot had every bone and muscle in my body aching. Wednesday was more of the same, and I had to go to the hospital again that afternoon for another shot. That was not fun, and made me feel pretty crappy that day also. Wednesday evening I thought I may die, and the nausea and um, sickness (I hate the "V" word) was terrible. I only got "sick" 3 times thankfully, but felt like I couldn't move or breathe without feeling absolutely terrible. My doctor had given me a prescription for Zofran, a stronger anti-nausea drug, and it helped I think, but made it seem worse than last time because the Phenergan I was taking last time made me so exhausted I slept the 3 sick days away and Zofran doesn't cause drowsiness so I was awake for the worst of it. It wasn't until Wednesday night that I found out you can alternate and take both drugs. Thanks, that would've been helpful days ago!
Well, now I know and I'll be doing that from now on, so maybe it won't be so intolerable next time.
I have been on an upswing since Thursday, and have eased into eating and smelling food again. I have to say the ultra sensitive sense of smell is what bothers me the most in between sessions. It's like when you're first pregnant and the smell of EVERYTHING bothers you and makes you sick. I can't smell tons of things without feeling physically ill, and that's not fun. All the room fresheners in my house have been unplugged, and every time I walk into my kitchen I swear I smell food that turns my stomach. Everyone says I'm crazy, they can't smell anything, and having doors and windows open for much of the weekend didn't seem to help so maybe I am crazy!

My wonderful in-laws picked up the little one on Friday and took her up to their house again so I could have some quiet recovery time. She is having an absolute blast, and probably won't want to come home!
On Saturday I met my Mom for a little lunch and hat/scarf shopping. It was good to get out of the house, and my Mom is one of the few people I really open up to, so it was good to just talk.
That evening, after a little rest time, I met one of my best friends (who recently moved to another state) for dinner. We went to Longhorn, and sat for a long time just catching up. It was great girl time, and much needed (for both of us I think)!!!
Today my wonderful mom came over to help me clean up, and we are forever grateful! We were able to get a lot of organizing/putting away done while she was doing the dirty work that's just too much for me right now. I totally overdid it yesterday, and my body has been telling me since I woke up this morning that I did not rest enough yesterday so I have to dial it back again. I'm just not used to slowing down and not being on the go absolutely all the time, but I'm figuring out I have no choice at this point in my life. So, this was a boring progress report...hopefully I'll have more exciting things to post next time (but don't count on it we're not too "fun" lately :) .

Trick-or-Treat

Halloween was much anticipated by the little one this year, and she couldn't wait to wear her Dorothy costume (from the Wizard of Oz). She was so excited about her ruby slippers, and had been practicing clicking her heels to "There's no place like home". When the day finally came, it was rainy and cold outside. Bummer. Of course, we went trick-or-treating anyway, and she and our neighbor had a blast. We ended up bringing them around in her uncle's car and the adults took turns getting out to supervise. Not the most fun Halloween on record, but candy was received, and they had fun. Our neighbor even spent the night and they had fun playing together most of the day today as well. Mommy is exhausted, but she had a great day :)

Hope you had a Happy Halloween, too!