More Doctor Visits

Yesterday was my appointment day to follow up with my Oncologist as well as my Reconstructive Surgeon. The Oncologist visit went ok, she started me on Tamoxifen, a drug that blocks estrogen from being absorbed and will put my body in a state of "mock menopause". Doesn't that sound fabulous at 29? Let the hot flashes begin! Oh, and I'll be taking it for 5 years. So, SO glad this started in Spring also, I'm sure I'll adjust well right in the heat of summer to wearing a wig that makes you hot and having hot flashes as well. We'll see how this goes, I'm sure I'll have some funny stories about this one!

She did tell me, however, that taking this pill for 5 years will greatly reduce my risk of developing cancer again. She said "we have to be vigilant with people with agressive cancers like yours" and I feel sure she then saw the horror on my face. She explains that mine is considered agressive because I was young when it developed, and therefore has a higher risk of returning, and because it was caught relatively early but was fast growing, and had already spread to 3 lymph nodes. Having said that, the Hubby and I both started asking questions about where do we go from here? and what happens now? She explained that they will draw my blood every 3 months for 2 years and then will move to once a year for several more years. My concern is that she doesn't seem to think a body scan to check for any other growths is necessary unless the bloodwork comes back abnormal. She says there are "tumor markers" in blood and that mine were slightly elevated when Cancer was present. From that, she thinks if any other cancer is present at a later time the same will happen and we'll do a scan then. I have mixed feelings about this. One side of me wants to have an MRI or some type of body scan to make sure they can put their eyes on everything and give me an "all clear". Another side of my brain wants to trust that she's right and another radiation giving super expensive test isn't necessary...I'm undecided on which side is yelling louder at this time.

I also tried to talk to her about fertility, and possible options there although it will have to be a year from now at the earliest. She was, once again, all "We'll talk about that later"...Um, what if I want to talk about it right now? I need to have a "maybe" or a "no" in my head about the possibility of being a Mommy again. Do I allow myself to think it's still a possibility, or prepare myself to be the Mom of an only child? I guess I'll have to do my own research here unless & until I find another Oncologist...which is looking like a strong possibility.

Immediately after that lovely appointment, I went to meet with the Reconstructive Surgeon who will be (very soon I hope) taking out these awful tissue expanders & putting in implants. I Can.Not.Wait for this day! We have tentatively scheduled for the middle of May to do the surgery, since that will give my slowly recovering white blood cell count time to build itself back up and stay there. I certainly don't want to develop any infections, so I'm ok to wait a few more weeks for that. Now to just load up on fruits and veggies and good healthy stuff! His appointment went great, he says it will take 2 weeks to fully recover and heal from the surgery, but pain is usually minimal and there are NO drains! Woo hoo! That is some nasty stuff & I'm glad I won't have to deal with them...My Mom is too, I'm sure, since she was the one that had to empty them most of the time, Ugh!

The plastic surgeon comes to Dr. Timbert's office (the breast specialist that treated me) on Mondays to see patients, so that's where my appointment was. When I was walking out, Dr. Timbert's precious wife, who works in the office, caught The Hubby and I and pulled us into one of their rooms to show us a plaque they did of me and my family to put in their exam rooms. When she asked me to participate, I felt honored, and tried to come up with some pictures and quotes that would really help some of the patients in those rooms who are scared and feel hopeless and helpless in the face of a possible cancer diagnosis. I remember several times crying in those rooms at a new diagnosis, and I know having something positive to look at and read may have helped my spirits. Here is a picture of one of the plaques. The other one is in an exam room that was about to be occupied so I didn't snap a picture, but I'll attach the picture she sent me when they were being made so you'll get an idea. I thought it was really neat, and wanted to share.

Let me say the pic in the pink bandana isn't one I would've chosen first to include in ANYTHING! It's terrible, and I look all cancer patient-ish, but I figured it's real, and it's out there. I decided that as long as a newly diagnosed person could see through the baldness and the puffy, sick looking face to the smile, that is hopefully what they'll take from it. Well, that and the "Fight Like a Girl" shirt that The Hubby's sweet cousin gave me. That's always a good message for a female cancer patient, of course. There's definitely a fight ahead, but it can be overcome!

Soccer

The Little One had her first soccer practice this week! She was SO excited leading up to it, and just couldn't wait to get there. Because of how her birthday falls, she is playing in a beginner league type deal where the parents help their children on the field. Will it be a cluster? Probably, yes but for week one it went okay.
She was all ready to go, until the second warm up drill when the coach told the kids to run through some little course he had set up, but there was no order so all the kids just ran crazy through the field as they wanted. Well, apparently my child likes order and direction a little more than most kids and is a big planner (I have NO idea where she got this gene, it drives me nuts!) so she wasn't liking the crazy vibe and started crying. Yes folks, my kid was THAT kid that started crying for no apparent reason at soccer practice. In fact, mine was the only kid to do that out of 20 children. Good times. We let her stand to the side and watch the other kids for a few minutes and then she finally agreed (maybe after a little bribery from her mother, I can't be sure ;-) to go back in and she ended up loving it, craziness and all!
She must've gotten some of the Hubby's sports genes (thank God!) because she's really good with kicking and stopping the ball. Now, when it comes to actually playing with a group, I can't be sure how that will go yet, but she's doing great so far! She isn't nearly as clumsy & uncoordinated as her mom, that's for sure! *sigh of relief*

Daddy & Little One all ready to start!

5 Minutes Later, Not so excited about soccer! "Can we just leave?" she says

Finally into it again...she just wanted to kick the ball!

So Focused!

After her first practice. Can't wait to do it again!

It's been a while!

Let me just start by saying I know it's been a LONG time since I posted & for that, I'm very sorry! I just haven't really had much to say lately...nothing you would care about, anyway. On a positive note, I'm feeling pretty good almost 4 weeks out from my last Chemo. I've been really tired to the point of lethargy a couple days this week, but other than that I'm good. I guess it'll just take my body longer than I would like to adapt to regular life again after all it's been through. Sometimes I think my body is just saying "Whoa, slow the heck down, I'm really tired!" and shuts down for a day or so. Always a good thing, right?!
Other than that, life has been going on as usual, nothing exciting to report.

We have had a few bad news health reports from friends lately and it's shaken us up pretty good. One of our really good friends and mentors apparently has a very rare disease, Transverse Myelitis (I hope I didn't butcher the name), that hit him last week in the form of paralysis from the waist down. He woke up one morning perfectly healthy and before the day was over he couldn't walk. Can you imagine? He has taken this situation, not knowing how permanent it is yet, and turned it into an incredible ministry opportunity. He is virtually preaching on Facebook and is talking about Christ to anyone he comes in contact with. He is amazing! Here is a post he put on Facebook last week that I thought was very powerful and thought provoking...I should preface this by saying he is one of the funniest people I've ever met, but very blunt and to the point.

"Good Morning! A salutation we hear almost every day to which we auto-reply "Good Morning!" often in the same tone. Face down, mind on the next task, not really in the moment but mostly in the next. We are so busy getting the day ready that we may not have the right perspective to have a good morning therefore ruining the day at first chance. You can choose to have a good morning if you want to have one. Today I am dependant on a caregiver to help me potty, to bathe me, to do all the things most of you autopiloted or will autopilot when you awake like I did until last Saturday. It's truly a very challenging proposition to overcome if your circumstances are less than ideal. Really minor inconveniences can shutter your day... If you let it. That's a big IF. The perspective that your attitude lenses over your day has the ability to make it a good morning. The only one stopping you from having a good morning and a good day following that morning is you. Chin up, smile with joy in your heart, speak first, go ahead say it "Good Morning!" Then, go have you one. I looking forward to a good day, and for me that is because it's Sunday, the day I get an enema. Your day will hopefully be a little less crappy than mine, so if you are having a not so good morning, remember: it could be your enema day. I love you all! Good Morning!"

He will be ok. No matter what his future holds, he knows that even if it's difficult and not what he would choose for himself, God has an ultimate plan and will show Himself faithful in any circumstance. Whether he's walking or sitting, he will be a wonderful example of faith to anyone he comes in contact with. I feel blessed to know him & to call him friend.

Another person SO heavy on my heart is a young woman I connected with through Facebook. She is a breast cancer survivor 3 years out in her early 30's. When I was diagnosed, a mutual friend suggested I talk to her and get advice if needed. She has been such a support for me, and is always willing to give advice or answer questions. Yesterday she found out her cancer has returned, in her chest and lungs, and is stage 4. It makes me cry every time I think of her or talk about her. I guess because this is one of my worst fears, and I know it was probably hers, too. I can only imagine how she must've felt hearing the news and it hurts me to think about how devastated she is. I know she CAN beat this, but it's the last fight she wanted to face yet again. She is hoping to start chemo again next week, and I ask that you please pray for her.

I guess this week has been depressing, sorry if you're depressed now, too! I just wanted to share because I feel like it's important everyone know how precious life is, and how it can change in an INSTANT. For some, you can be struck with paralysis, for others you can be told "You have cancer" or some other illness that alters life forever. No matter what, just know that life is so very precious and it's short. Enjoy it, love hard, do the things you like to do because we're not promised tomorrow. That's my philosophy anyway.

Celebration

A good friend of ours called the hubby a while back wanting to get a group together to celebrate my last chemo session. They decided that a small group would be more fun for me than a larger, more formal celebration (that's not really my style) so he and 2 other couples surprised me with dinner at the Japanese Steakhouse and a really crazy evening. We had a wonderful time just laughing, telling stories and making plans for this summer. It feels good to be able to make future plans not having to plan around chemo and "off weeks"!

Thanks SO MUCH for the wonderful evening guys, I haven't laughed that hard in years!!!

Buh Bye Chemotherapy!

Chemo #8 is OVER!!! I couldn't be happier to know that (Lord willing) I will never have to sit in a chair for hours receiving toxic levels of cancer killing drugs. My forever prayer is that cancer will never grow in my body again, and this will not be an issue. I've had my fill of that, thanks!

So, my last chemo was uneventful thankfully and the week after wasn't fun but who cares, it's over! My wonderful in-laws took the little one for a few days, and when she returned she was excited that I had the last treatment and keeps asking if my hair is back yet. Bless her heart, I wish it happened overnight!
I had one shot of Neupagen on Tuesday after chemo, and my blood levels were checked yesterday. Unfortunately, my white blood count was low again so I get another shot this evening. I was really hoping I would be done with weekly bloodwork, shots & the whole deal, but I guess you can't have it all right?!

Anyway, thank you all so much for following my journey, praying for & thinking about me. I appreciate all the thoughts, prayers, meals, cards and gifts I have received and although I know I still have more to do before I'm completely done with all this, I feel like the first half is over (the bad half) and now it's just reconstruction and monitoring. Not so bad.

This past 7 months has been the longest, hardest, most emotionally challenging of my life, but I know I have grown spiritually in leaps and bounds, and my family is closer than we were before because we don't take one another for granted. I'm also just happier. Happy to be alive, happy to be. It's a great feeling!
Who cares if my house and cars and other stuff we have isn't exactly what I want or what I would choose in a perfect world, at the end of the day it's STUFF, and stuff don't keep ya happy! It might make you happy for a while, but it won't keep you there. You've got to have that in your heart.
Thank you Lord for growing me through this terrible ordeal. Like my doctor always tells me "Well, it's a club you didn't want to join, but you're here, might as well make the best of it".

When life gives you lemons...

Make Lemonade!!! That's what the little one & I decided to do earlier this week! We had such beautiful weather and even went to the park for a while Monday afternoon. It was such a welcome change of scenery from the cold and snow we've been having. This is Georgia, it's supposed to be flip flop weather by now! When we got a flip flop day we definitely took advantage of it! To my little one, warm days equal making lemonade (thanks, Max & Ruby) so when we stopped by Target to get stuff for dinner we of course had to get some lemons too.

Later that evening we started making lemonade (without a juicer...I couldn't find mine so ignore the little collander we strained the seeds out with redneck style :). As I was looking at the pictures I had to smile because I realized we've been given some lemons lately & we literally made lemonade. I can't lie, made from scratch lemonade does make all your troubles seem a little bit lighter! I wish we could've sent you all some, it was delicious :)

Looking forward to Chemo

I truly hate to say that, it makes me sound more than a little crazy, but I really am. Why? I need a break, and chemo week is usually that if nothing else. Not that I'm overly excited about the side effects, but I've had a crappy week and I'm looking forward to being able to nap during the day, turn the phone off without feeling guilty, and being alone during the day with nothing terribly pressing on the schedule. Well, that's my plan we'll see how the week pans out.

Do you ever have those days (or maybe weeks) where you just feel bad, everything seems to go wrong, and you don't really like people in general? I won't bore you with all the details of how much I've hated this week, how much I still have to do before the weekend, and how incredibly tired I am. But, I'll tell you that I lost my phone among other exciting things this week, and my replacement just came...maybe things are looking up already!

That's what I'm telling myself :-) Hope you have a fabulous weekend!

This is me mentally going back to this day at this beautiful beach, hopefully it will work!