Cancer Update #6873221

That's what it feels like to me, anyway. I feel like I'm constantly just updating on appointments & how my days go, but I guess that's what blogs are for. So, I went to Dr. Larsen for my "fill-up" yesterday, and while I was laying on the table he kept looking at me waiting for a response. Of course, I felt pressure, and after the third full syringe I finally winced. He asks me if it hurt, and I said "well of course, I'm actually waiting for it to pop"! He fills me up so full that it begins to hurt through my side while I'm in the office and agreed to give me a prescription for pain thank you Jesus, otherwise I feel sure I wouldn't have made it through the night. I asked him before he started if the reason they were so hard and full feeling was because I was so small to begin with. He said no, it was just because all the tissue was removed. I am not sure I believe it though, because I was in SO MUCH PAIN soon after I left his office I was crying (and I never cry from physical pain) and panting like I was in labor. It hurt to take deep breaths, and still does, so I'm breathing fairly shallow (which causes pneumonia...wouldn't that be just exactly what I need?) and trying not to laugh. Oh, and sneeze. I sneezed once last week and had to hold my chest for several minutes because I thought they were coming out...literally. I know that's not pretty! It's also not pretty to see me refuse to sneeze by holding my eyes open for dear life knowing if I don't close them I won't sneeze. I'm praying this never happens in public!
I'm seriously considering letting this be my last "fill-up". I have no idea what size I would be considered now, and the implants will have to be a little smaller than the expanders are. I have another appointment in 2 weeks, and I'm going to talk to him about being done at that time. I can't deal with pain like this again. My chest hurt so bad last night that my back started absorbing the pain, and today my rib cage has been aching all day. I think that's my body telling me that's all the stretching it can do!
My chemo is scheduled to start on Monday, October 12. I have several dental procedures to have done before that, but as long as that's not an issue, I'll start that day. I have such mixed emotions about it. I really just want this all to be over with, so I want it to hurry up, but I am so afraid of what it may do to me. Will I get sick? Will I be nauseous all the time? Will food taste bad? How long will it take me to lose my hair? What will I feel like in general? It's flu season, what if I get sick or someone in my family gets sick? Can you tell I'm a worry wart?! Anyway, that's my update. Gotta go take a pill!
Oh, the port will be put in this Friday, please pray for me with that procedure as well. I'm worried about adding pain to yet another area. I'm not sure how much this body can take all at the same time!