So, the Hubby and I decided in the last few months that we were not going to have any more children. It was one of our hardest decisions in a long time, but I firmly believe it's the best one for my health.
Here's the reason...skip all this paragraph if you really don't care about the scientific/cancer/health stuff. It won't hurt my feelings, ha! When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I was informed the tumor was ER/PR positive. What that means is that the tumor itself was an Estrogen/Progesterone receptor & was literally being fed by the hormones my body naturally produces. Because it was "grade 3" which means the fastest growing kind & had already spread into my lymph nodes, I have to believe it was feasting on my hormones & that I shouldn't "feed" that ever again! Since I finished chemo, I am now taking an estrogen blocking pill that's an oral form of chemo called Tamoxifen. It is supposed to reduce the chance of cancer returning, but it has it's own downfalls (like all medications do) and I can only take it for 5 years. Every time I saw a doctor and mentioned that I may try to have another child when the nightmare ended they got very concerned & said they didn't know if I should do that. I finally woke up one day & realized they were right. When you're pregnant you have to #1 be off Tamoxifen for a good while first & #2 just know that there is a crazy amount of estrogen in your system and be willing to take that risk with your life. I'm just not willing to do either. The bottom line is there's enough of a chance that this stupid disease will take my life at some point & I'm not willing to make the risk go up drastically and possibly leave my husband with a newborn and a young child.
So, we both decided recently the best decision for our family would be for me to have a hysterectomy and be thankful each and every day that God blessed us with one wonderful child. I literally cried all day, and felt like I was mourning the loss of the child I would never have. That was a Saturday, and on Sunday we visited a new church in the area. They were having a special service about children (we didn't know this before), and showed videos of children in other countries who need sponsorship and also discussed adoption. The pastor and his wife adopted a beautiful little girl from China a few years back & they showed the video of their journey to China and when they met their baby girl for the first time. I was a hot crying mess! We so felt like the Lord sent us there on that day because He had a message for us. Adoption is something we had discussed a little, but after that day we really said "OK God, we're listening!" They had an informational meeting about adoption the next week at the church & we decided to go. It was 4 couples discussing their different adoption experiences and giving a "what you should expect" kind of talk. It definitely made us excited about the process, and gave us a starting point on agencies in the area. We also went to a meeting recently given by the biggest agency in the area and got a little more info from them. As of now, we believe that we will stay in the U.S. to adopt, and we would love the opportunity to have a newborn. Again, unless God leads us in another direction this is what we are hoping for. I believe my Hubby is just worried that if we adopt a child that's not an infant and I don't get the "baby stage" again that I'll want more!
Anyway, I tell you all this to ask for your prayers. We are very excited about where this will lead us, and are praying for God's will, whatever that may be. From what we've been told, it's a pretty lengthy, expensive process for most couples, and some days the paperwork and hoop jumping gets a little much, but we're gearing up to do what we need to.
No matter what, it has just made us that much MORE thankful for our Little One! I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have a child when I got a cancer diagnosis. I try to tell myself that every day when I'm mad at cancer for taking yet another thing away from me. Sometimes it works ;) I know life's not always fair, but I also know that the Lord has something big for us in this whole mess. I've just got to believe He will reveal it in HIS time!
Thanks for reading & most importantly thanks for praying for us through this!!
